I’m sad, tired, angry and depressed. I am so many things that I don’t really know what I really am anymore. I could be even happy and don’t know it, it’s frustrating.
Yeah, that’s it. I’m frustrated.
Sometime it is really hard to define how I feel or how I am. I wake up early in the morning, 6:00 AM, ready to start another day – useful or not, I won’t know until past noon, when I’ll come back home – and it’s really hard to say “Yeah, I’m ready to start! I’m -“… what? What am I?
Sometimes I feel the need to define how I feel to be ready to walk on the streets, meet people, hear what they say in the right way, otherwise I will always read everything in the wrong way.
How are you? Mh, I’m fine (I think I am. Let me be, go away, I want to stay alone, I’d like to know how I feel myself, I don’t know anything).
This is what happens in my mind, and I feel awful. There’s no logic, I know. I end up glaring at people that doesn’t know how I feel – how could they know, after all? – and answer back in the wrong way. I quarrel with them, I destroy the always-so-fragile balance of friendship, and I don’t want it. I feel guilt, and guilt haunts me because I don’t know how to patch things back together.
I’m tired to quarrel. I want to feel good, to be good. I don’t want to be frustrated but I don’t know how to fix this problem.